


Atonement

by RogueDarthSkywalker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23346499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueDarthSkywalker/pseuds/RogueDarthSkywalker
Summary: Decided to start double posting my work from ff.net onto here as well. Hope you all like it!
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to start double posting my work from ff.net onto here as well. Hope you all like it!

Chapter 1

The small one-bedroom apartment granted to him by the state was a step down from the apartment he had shared with his wife, but it was a major improvement from the small cell he shared with his two cell mates that didn’t even have a partition separating the toilet from the rest of the space. Boxes littered the floor of the apartment filled with his personal items and clothes from before. Nothing fit him right any more, his shirts were too tight across his chest, and his pants hung loose at the waist. Prison had been a hard life with an unspoken law that he had learned quickly to obey at all cost. Loyalty and friendship was something that had to be arranged prior to the conviction, something Anakin had not been aware of before arriving. Having no ties inside, it made him an easy target, and the crime he had been charged with didn’t make things any better. He’d had to learn quickly how things worked, learn how to watch out for himself, learn how to protect himself. The lessons had been hard and he had spent quite a bit of time in the infirmary his first few months as he got used to things. But as the years passed, he learned. Prison had changed him. Eight years behind bars had transformed him from the lanky boy-next-door he had been to the cautious hardened man he was now.

Anakin went about unpacking his things, finding space for old photos on the shelves dresser tops, storing the few pieces of clothes that fit well enough until he could go out and get new things. He memorized the creaks in the old floor boards, shifting his weight over them as he found them, committing the sound to memory as he had for the sound of specific guards as they walked along the gangways in the prison. He told himself that it was for his safety and peace of mind, but deep down he knew that it was more than that, maybe even a little bit of paranoia, but he didn’t want to think about it right now. He worked until he was satisfied with the living arrangements, feeling a little more at ease with his old stuff set out prominently as if a constant reminder that this was real.

Sinking into the couch, he stared straight ahead at the still black TV screen. It was silly, really. TV had been considered a privilege in prison, something that could only be viewed maybe an hour or two a day, and which the programs were limited and reserved though the unspoken hierarchy of the inmates. It was strange for Anakin to now have access and choice to watch it whenever he wanted. His phone vibrated from his pocket, alerting him to a new email. Anakin dug into his pants to pull out the phone, yet another gift from the state. The email came from his case worker, the one assigned to oversee his transition from prison to civilian life. Due to the complex nature of his case, the man assigned to him was some state official who oversaw prisons — a man named Obi-Wan Kenobi. The name sounded like it came out of an old Flash Gordon comic book, and the man himself sounded like a posh prick but from the few interactions he’d had with him, he did seem to genuinely care.

The email started off with another profuse apology for his false conviction for the murder of that Caleb Dume kid. And outlined Kenobi’s commitment to getting his life back on track. It was the same thing every police officer, judge, and lawyer had said at the press meeting earlier that morning. By now he was numb to the sentiment that was behind the words. The rest of the email reminded him about how long the state would pay the rent on the apartment, how much the state would give him as a stipend until long term work was established as well as the state compensation he was due to receive in his bank account by the end of the month — all the things they had gone over in their meeting the day before. He gave a sigh as he closed the email and placed the phone on the coffee table.

Leaning back he kicked his feet up onto the table and let his body sink into the soft cloth of the couch. $500,000. That was all they would give him for eight years he spent in prison for a crime he was innocent of. It was more money than he ever thought he would ever have to his name and yet it felt so small compared to everything else he had lost because of it. The money probably covered lost wages, but the conviction had also come at a personal cost to him. His mother had died believing he had been guilty of the thoughtless murder of a child. His wife had divorced him, and his children… he’d never even gotten the chance to see them let alone hold them as they had been born three months after he had been locked away. No amount of money could ever fix that. When he had heard that his case was being overturned, that his name was to be cleared, Anakin had debated maybe suing the state for their negligence. But as quickly as the thought came, it left because the last thing he wanted was his name all over the papers again. He’d had enough of it to last him the rest of his life.

His phone vibrated again, this time with a text message, also from Obi-Wan. The message was short: ‘Here is the address you asked about.’ Below, it listed an address in Massachusetts. Anakin knew what the address was. It was her address. Padme. His wife— ex-wife. Part of him knew that she would move back to Massachusetts after his sentencing. There was no point in her staying in Chicago, especially not when her face and name was all over the news with his when the trial was going on. It was obvious that she would need to carve out a path separate from his infamy. Rising from the couch, he went over to the small office box that had his things from prison. He’d thrown most of the stuff out, but there was still a large manilla envelope bulging with its contents. Peering inside, he pulled out the stack of letters, all marked with the red ‘Return to Sender’ stamp. All the letters were addressed either to Padme, her sister or her parents, all in the hopes that one of them might pass his letters along to their intended. None of them were. Padme it seemed didn’t want anything to do with him. But now, maybe she would at least listen to him. 

The moment Obi-Wan was assigned to him, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to find his ex-wife. He wanted to see Padme. Even though there was a good chance she had moved on by now, he at least wanted to see her. He wanted to meet his children even if it would only be one time. Obi-Wan had warned him that it might not be a good idea, that if he was expecting things to go back to the way they were, there was a good chance that it wouldn’t happen. But Anakin knew very well what he was asking for. He didn’t expect things to go back to the way they were. He just… he wanted to hear it from her. Hear directly from her that despite him not being guilty, that things were truly over as well as maybe come to some kind of arrangement so that he could have even a small part in the lives of his children. Obi-Wan hadn’t looked fully convinced of his motive, but regardless still promised to look into it for him. But finding her had not been easy apparently. Old addresses were dead ends, and she had apparently changed her name. But now here it was. Clearly printed in a blue bubble. Her address. His fingers trembled as he typed a quick thank you to Obi-Wan.

There were still things he had to do for the rest of the week. A meeting with his lawyer, a lunch with the mayor he was reluctant to attend… but by the end, he would have the first stipend from the state. That would certainly be enough to cover a trip to Massachusetts. With his mind made up, he started looking for flights.


	2. Chapter 2

The pale blue house sat right along the edge of a small lake far from the noise of downtown Boston yet close enough that a trip to and from the city would take less than forty minutes. The week leading up to this day, Anakin had spent what time he had looking her up online. She was still practicing law, and even worked for the defense attorney in Boston. Besides the news stories of the cases she had worked on, and a few rumors of her possibly running for public office in the near future, it seemed that she kept a pretty low public profile when it came to personal details. Which made sense given how much he had struggled to find out what had happened to her while he was in prison and also how it had taken some effort from Obi-Wan to locate her current address.

Anakin had let the taxi driver drop him at the mouth of the road that led up to her house. The sun was just starting to rise and the light reflected off the water wrapping the house in a bright halo as he just stood there frozen. He had been so eager to get here that he hadn’t taken much thought to how early it really was. He’d considered spending the morning in the city, getting a coffee while he waited until a more reasonable time to just drop by… but once the wheels of the plane had touched down, all thought of a coherent plan evaporated and left him with a primal need to just go to her. He didn’t even know if they were awake now. Padme must be, because even on a Sunday, she had always been an early riser. But maybe having kids changed things? He honestly had no idea. 

It was fortunate that the house was fairly secluded with the closest neighbor out of sight from Padme’s driveway. Had the house been located in any sort of community, he was certain that someone would have seen him and called the cops on him for suspicious behavior. Once more, he looked at the address printed in his phone and cross checked it with the street sign and number on the house. Everything seemed to match up, and the GPS app said he was in the right place and yet he was still terrified that he wasn’t. Maybe she had moved once she heard of his release. Maybe this was an old address that was never updated. He didn’t know.

And he wouldn’t so long as he just stood there. He was here, and he hadn’t come all this way just to stand at the foot of her property. Part of him wanted to delay a bit longer, to take more time to gather his thoughts, and maybe rethink the whole showing up unannounced plan that was completely illogical given the circumstances. But another part of him was afraid. So much time had already been lost, and Padme had obviously made an effort to distance herself from him. As irrational as it might seem, this was the only way that seemed to guarantee that he would see her. Anakin closed his eyes as he tried to get his thoughts under control and muster what courage he could. He had come this far, and no matter what, he had to see it through. He let out a shaky breath before he marched to the front door and knocked. 

The first knock was loud and he hissed as he made the next two a little quieter, cursing under his breath. From the other side, he could hear a woman’s surprise at the unexpected knocks followed by her gliding footsteps to the door. His shoulders sunk in on him as he saw her shadow, and then he flinched as the lock clicked before the door slowly swung open to reveal her. Padme. The love of his life, his Angel, the mother of his children. His jaw fell as he stared at her in awe. She was somehow more beautiful than he remembered. Her eyes went wide when she saw him, her jaw falling open in shock as her knuckles gripped to door tightly. His lips curled awkwardly into a small smirk he hoped was like that roguish smile she used to like, but his face felt tight and he doubted it was was as naturally charming as it once had been. Padme quickly glanced back inside before shuffling out to join him on the porch, carefully closing the door behind her as she wrapped her arms around herself, pulling the heavy blue robe she wore tighter around herself to fight off the cool chill of the morning breeze.

“Anakin,” His name fell from her lips in a quiet whisper as if his name were some forbidden word she could finally use. The very sound of her voice sent pleasing shudders down his back that made his legs weak. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

He swallowed as he stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket. “I know I should have maybe called first, but… I just had to see you.” He cleared his throat as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “Have you… have you heard? What happened, I mean.”

She gave a small nod, “I saw it on the news.” She said. “I tried to find if there were any stipulations attached to your release besides being assigned a transition aide. Sometimes those kinds of arrangements have temporary travel restrictions.” Her lips pursed as she gave a half shrug, “Though, I should have known that wouldn’t stop you,” For a moment the corner of her lip popped up in a small smile before it was forced back down as she bit the inside of her cheek. “You never were very patient.”

Anakin swallowed as he gave a stiff nod of agreement, “Yeah… well, good news is there aren’t any real restrictions. I just— I meet with my case worker maybe once a week. He makes sure I’m okay and everything.”

Her eyes focused closely on his face as her eyes narrowed slightly in concentration, “And… are you?” She asked.

He let out a small grunt as he rolled his neck. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the window on the second floor of the house. He couldn’t see inside, but his mind drifted to his children. Anakin swallowed stiffly as he slowly forced himself to look at Padme again “Are they… sleeping?” He asked, her previous question forgotten.

She nodded once, not bothering to ask her question again, “I let them sleep in a little on Sundays.”

“Have you told them anything? About me?”

Padme gave a small shrug, “A little… nothing about… before.” She took a deep breath, “I told them that if it were possible, you would have wanted to be here with us. But that you couldn’t.” 

“Thank you,”

Padme took a breath and shook her head, “I didn’t do it for you,” She said, “I did it because I didn’t want you being a convicted criminal to hang over their heads.” She closed her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose, “I know that you aren’t— _everyone_ knows that you aren’t now. And I’m happy for you. And I am… _relieved_ that I never have to have that conversation with the twins.” Her fingers gripped the sleeves of her robe as she took a breath, “But… Anakin… I don’t know if… if you being here…”

“You… want me to leave.” He finished. “I get it. I just…”

“No, that isn’t it at all,” She said, reaching for his arm but stopping just short of touching him. She looked at her hand touching the air just above his forearm before she slowly pulled it back. “There was a time when all I ever wanted was to raise a family with you,” She began slowly, her eyes finding his again. “But it’s been eight years. Our kids are adjusted to having only me. The idea of you being in their lives is something that I haven’t considered until recently.”

“I’m their father,” He said, “All I want is the chance to be there for them.”

She smiled sadly at him, “I know. And I want to believe that you’ll be a great father to them. I remember how excited you were when I was pregnant. But I know what it can be like for people who are released from prison. I know it isn’t an easy transition. And I’ve seen people get hurt in the process.” Padme held her hands up in a calming gesture, “I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But I need to know who you are now, before I let you anywhere near our children. I need to know they won’t get hurt in all this.”

“I swear to you, they won’t.”

“And I want to believe you,” She said, “But this is the real world where bad things can happen to good people and innocent people can get hurt. If we rush into this, someone is going to get hurt and I know that is the last thing you want to happen.” This time when she reached for him, her hand just barely touched the exposed skin of his wrist. It was featherlike, and meant as a reassuring gesture, but for Anakin it brought back a flurry of memories from a happier time. “Let me make a few calls, see if the kids can spent time at a friend’s house this afternoon. It’ll give us more time to talk and plan how this is all going to work out.”

Anakin bit back a desperate plea to see his kids, knowing deep down that she was right— she was always right about this kind of stuff— and gave a small reluctant nod as she gave him the address to a small cafe she liked to visit and they agreed to meet there a little after noon. Their short goodbye was awkward, and stiff as Anakin watched her retreat back inside and it took a great deal of effort on his part to pry himself off the porch and make his way back up the street to the intersection where he could call for a ride to take him back into the city. As he waited, he glanced at his watch and began the countdown to their next meeting.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The small cafe had maybe ten or fifteen tables, each one adorning a small potted plant which Anakin had spent so long staring at that he could tell it was fake. The morning coffee rush had passed and now the only ones in the place were the old married couple sitting by the front window, talking quietly, and a trio of teenagers on their phones. The college-aged baristas were behind the counter cleaning up from the morning and brewing fresh batches of coffee. Anakin poked at the fake plant with the wooden stick he’d used to stir in some sugar into his coffee as he fought not to check his watch for the millionth time. His leg bounced nervously under the table as he waited. He didn’t know if Padme had woken the twins once he had left, or how long it took her to arrange for someone to watch them, but he figured it might take some time, but he wasn’t sure how long was too long. He’d already considered the possibility of her just not coming and as unlikely as the idea might be, there was still a chance, right?

He took a long swallow of his drink, savoring the taste of freshly brewed hot coffee and the sweet tingle of the added sugar. He wasn’t normally one to add anything to his drinks. While Padme had always had a sweet tooth and unable to try every Starbucks drink, he always found the very thought of such sweet things made his teeth hurt. Which was why he preferred things much simpler— like straight black coffee. But recently just seeing so many options just sitting there out in the open, free and a seemingly infinite supply… adding one or two packs to his drink had been a tempting offer he just couldn’t resist.

The bell at the top of the door chimed, and Anakin’s head whipped over to see Padme walk into the cafe. Her eyes scanned the seats quickly before settling on him. She gave him a sweet, nostalgic smile before she held up a finger and walked to the counter to order her own drink. He waited patiently for the full three minutes, thirty-nine seconds it took for the baristas to prepare her order and for her make her way over to him. Her hair was tied back in a high ponytail with a few strands in the front loose and had a patterned blue knee-length dress with a loose fitting blazer and a decorative leather belt around her waist which matched the leather of her purse which was slung cross-body over her left shoulder. Anakin gave her a small smile as she approached the table and sat down. Her fingers played with the lid of the plastic cup as they both seemed to be taking the time to gather their thoughts together.

“Sorry it took me so long,” She started, “Luke…” She bit her lip as she debated what she should tell him about their kids. “It’s not easy to get him up in the morning,” She said with a small smile, “ I always have to start waking him up thirty minutes before Leia because if I let him, he’d stay in bed all day.” Padme took a small sip of her drink before continuing, “Leia is the exact opposite. Once you left, it was barely five minutes before she was already coming down the stairs asking about breakfast.”

Anakin stared intently at her as she spoke, taking every word she said and committing them to memory. Hearing small details about his kids, made his heart yearn to know more, to know them and to hold them in his arms and never let go. “I take it things worked out though.”

She nodded, “They’re at a friend’s house. They were a little confused about why they were going there today, but I’m sure by the time I come pick them up, they’ll have forgotten all about it.” Padme cleared her throat and shifting a little uncomfortably in her seat as she folded her hands in front of her, her mannerisms shifting to a more professional demeanor. “I’ve thought about what to say all morning, but none of it every feels right. Some of it is what I’ve said to a few of my clients who were in prison. And it feels… strange saying it to you but…” She took a breath as she forced herself to meet his focused gaze, “Transitioning back into a normal life, isn’t easy for anyone who has been in prison for a long period of time. And more often than not, the resources to help with that transition are scarce.”

He nodded slowly in understanding, “I have a case worker. He’s told me basically the same thing.”

“Which is more than most people get. But what has he said about the kind of support he can give you? I know the state offered financial support, — which in my experience is always the bare minimum or less if they can get away with it— but what about counseling? Career training, temporary employment options?”

Anakin grimaced as he thought about his last meeting with Obi-Wan before he came here. He’d said something about… some of those things. But he really can’t remember all the details and it isn’t like this is the kind of stuff he thought he’d talk about with Padme. “What does any of that have to do with seeing my kids?” He asked, trying not to sound too exacerbated.

“Stability,” She said, pausing to let things calm down a little before she spoke again. “Anakin… I do want you in their lives— I want you in my life too… but it has been so long, and regardless of circumstances, time changes people. I told you this morning that I’m willing to find terms that satisfy both of us. I just want to be clear, that one of my terms is that I would like to be in the loop about what kind of support you are getting. I’m not looking for any details you don’t want to share with me, just that you’re taking advantage of the resources you’re given and that if you need help, you’re getting it.”

His fists clenched as he bit the inside of his cheek. She was making it sound like he was crazy. He didn’t need help and he couldn’t figure why everyone seemed so adamant that he did need help. He wasn’t like the other inmates who would be out for a week only to be sent straight back. Getting out was all he wanted. He had no plans on going back. Ever. Even when Obi-Wan had set him up with that counselor, he had his doubts of its usefulness. His plan had been to go for the bare minimum number of sessions to assess his ‘state of mind’ and then take the clean bill to Obi-Wan and have him check it off of whatever list he was following and speed through this stuff as quick as possible. But now it seemed Padme was adding it to her list of terms. And she knew how much he hated doctors to begin with! But, if this is what it took to see his kids… it seemed he didn’t have a choice. With a stiff nod of his head, he agreed to her first term.

Padme gave a genuine smile as she reached across the table and squeezed his right hand. “Thank you.”

“What else do you need from me?” He asked.

Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a stack of folded papers and opened them. He could clearly see the yellow flag markers and small notes in the margins written in her elegant hand. At the top of the papers was a red stamp mark that read “COPY” under which was the bold title of “Custody Agreement” as well as the court where it had been filed. “Down the road, there will be a few legal hoops to jump through, but I don’t want to start that process just yet,” She started. “We need to talk about the long term plan, what we want to happen, what we expect to happen… You’re currently living in Chicago so we need to talk about if that is where you plan to stay.” She turned the page over and read through a few of her notes and tapped her finger against one of the notes at the bottom, “It might also be beneficial to talk to a counselor—“

“Another doctor?” He scoffed as he leaned back in his chair. “I’m not sick or… disturbed. I just want to see my kids.”

Her face was flat as she sighed, “The counselor isn’t for you, Anakin. It’s for the twins.” She explained. “This is going to be a big change for them. We both have some idea about how we want to do this. I just want to confer with a specialist to make sure we’re doing everything we can for them as well as give the twins a professional to confide in through this process.”

Anakin groaned, it was difficult for him to hide his disappointment. But it was hard not to admit that she did have a point. “Do you have anyone in mind?” He asked. Out of the two of them, he was sure she knew of more people in that particular field than him.

Padme nodded, “One of my colleague’s wife is a family counselor. I’ve only ever heard good things about her. If you want, we can look through local services together—“

“That’s fine,” He said, “Let’s just use her. How long do you think it’ll take to get an appointment though?”

She gave a small shrug, “I’ve seen it where it can take anywhere from a few days to a month or two.” Anakin felt his heart sink at the thought of not meeting the twins for two more months. He didn’t want to wait that long. He didn’t want to wait at all. “But,” Padme added as she scrolled through her phone, “I’ll see if I can get us in sooner by asking her husband. He owes me a favor for taking over one of his cases last month.”

Anakin hunched forward over his coffee as Padme rose from her seat to make the call to her colleague. Her tone seemed much more friendly and cheerful as she spoke to he man on the other end of the line. It was clear that the two of them were close friends. He heard her laugh at something the other man said, and he felt a small tingle of jealously worm its way into him. His fist wrapped tightly around his coffee as he fought to snuff out the irrational anger. There was no reason for him to be jealous of a man he didn’t know, no reason to be jealous when as far as he knew, she wasn’t involved with anyone. But he was. 

She returned a moment later with a pleased smile on her lips. “Good news is one of Breha’s appointments got canceled so we can come in then. Unfortunately it is next week though. On Friday”

“There wasn’t anything sooner?”

She shook her head, “Afraid not. I don’t know how long you’re staying in town, but if you want, I can pay for the extra days wherever you’re staying.”

He sighed and shook his head, “I can’t. I have… _meetings_ on Wednesday.” He said, growling the last few words. “I’ll fly back here Thursday morning.”

Padme gave a small nod of understanding. And with a clearer idea of what was to come, neither seemed to know what else to say. Both seemed to hesitate about if they should talk more, or part ways. Anakin truly didn’t want to leave not when he knew that they would be parted for another week once one of them left. But as their coffee went cold, and the afternoon rush started to make its way in, the time came for them to part ways. Leaving their seats and making their way to the door, he wasn’t sure if they should hug, or shake hands. Hugging might be a bit too… intimate given that they’d only just met up again. But shaking hands… it felt too… formal or restrictive. Padme moved to shake hands though. And Anakin couldn’t resist brushing his thumb over her knuckles. The action made her jolt, as the intimate gesture sent waves of nostalgia through them both. She gave his hand a firm, squeeze before almost reluctantly releasing her grip and said, “Goodbye, Anakin.”


End file.
